S13Ep1 Story Series: Back to School Chaos

The Story Series continues with SafeStart Client Success Manager Amy Hutchinson talking about a back-to-school moment with her college-bound son. Have you ever encountered a situation when everything seems to go wrong, and you're pushed to the edge? If so, you'll love this episode.

Host: Danny Smith
Guest: Amy Hutchinson

Transcript

Danny Smith: 0:08

Welcome back to Safe Talk with Safe Start. I'm Danny Smith, and today our story series continues with client success manager Amy Hutchinson joining us once again. So, Amy, first of all, welcome back to the podcast.

Amy Hutchinson: 0:20

Thanks for having me, Danny.

Danny Smith: 0:22

So before we turn Amy loose, a quick recap of how to use the story series. Amy will share a story and then I'll tell you when to pause the recording, and then your group can discuss the states and the errors, and then Amy and I will come back and share our thoughts after that. So, my, take it away with your story.

Amy Hutchinson: 0:40

Okay, well, Danny, a few years back, my son, en, was in college and home on weekends to reload on clean laundry, restock groceries and take back some favorite meals ready to microwave and consume. This particular weekend, Ben had requested a favorite meal for dinner on Saturday no problem. Requested a favorite meal for dinner on Saturday no problem. An hour before it was being served, Ben called to ask if there'd be enough for him to bring another two buddies for dinner. Well, we said yes, of course, and then scrambled to go get some additional food to serve to make sure we had enough for these three young men with very big appetites. Just as we were expecting Ben and his friends to arrive for dinner to be served, I received a text, Mom plans changed and I won't be home for dinner. See you tomorrow. Let me review. Requested menu. Requested additional guests. Dinner is now ready and then this text. So fast forward.

Amy Hutchinson: 1:45

Now, almost 24 hours now it's Sunday and Ben needs to return to college, but it's late afternoon, en's still not home and we needed to talk about what was happening at the end of this school year. So, Danny, this was final exam time and I had assumed he would be home to study at some point and also decisions needed to be made about schooling for the next year. Like I'm talking, big decisions such as did he want to specialize, take another year in another program? His housing agreement for his accommodations was just days from completion and we needed to either move him out or renew if he wanted to continue in this field of study. Now, really, what that also meant was paying for things too, so I was really wanting to talk with him, get plans and finances organized.

Amy Hutchinson: 2:39

Ben came home 90 minutes before he had to leave again. Now, I'm not sure if you realize what 90 minutes allows, but that's only enough time at our house for a 30-minute wash and a 60-minute dry time for his laundry. I was none too pleased when he came downstairs to start his laundry. I was all questions and honestly, possibly with some attitude, I had been waiting on him all weekend. He raised his voice and I raised mine. I self-triggered and said go start your laundry and then come back and talk to hi.

Danny Smith: 3:18

That's a great example of self-triggering there, and, you know, this is not something that's necessarily an injury right, we'll talk about that in a moment but certainly, it's something that deals with how human factors affect us in so many ways, right? So this is a perfect time for everybody to take a quick break here and just have a quick discussion. I want you to think about the states, or state or states, rather, that Amy was in at this moment and, while you're at it, discuss the errors there. And also, Amy talked to you a bit about the self-triggering there. So think about specifically, what did she self-trigger on? We'll chat about that as well.

Danny Smith: 3:57

You know that the critical error reduction technique, obviously, that she used, but kind of think about what state she used that to self-trigger on, and we'll come back and talk a little bit more about that in just a moment.

Danny Smith: 4:10

Okay, we're back. So, Amy, if you would please share the rest of the story, because I get the feeling there's a little more to this than what you've told us so far.

Amy Hutchinson: 4:22

amp;mp;ap;ltspa Ben walked away and he got his laundry started and then came back. The first thing I said was sorry, that is not how I want to have a conversation with you. Will you please give me another chance to have a respectful conversation? That's not how we talk to each other. He smiled and he said yes, and we were able to move forward with what I needed to learn and understand from him. I think he was expecting me to not drop it and was surprised at my new approach, and he also knew his tone was not acceptable with me either.

Amy Hutchinson: 5:00

Let me be clear that I really wasn't proud of how this started, but I was very grateful to have some skills to use before things were said that I couldn't take back. To be candid, you know I would never speak to a friend or a colleague like that, and I recognize I let my filter slide sometimes with the people I care about most, and that's not right, and it is something I continue to work on. Self-trigger take a moment. Assess what is important. Rate your state is the exact tool to help with this and making better decisions in the moment.

Danny Smith: 5:35

So, specifically, I'm gathering that there was a lot of frustration there, obviously on your part, maybe just a wee bit, right. Maybe just a bit, but that's definitely what you self-triggered on right. Were there other states that were involved there?

Amy Hutchinson: 5:51

I was a little more than frustrated. I'd done a lot of extra work and accommodated guests that he'd requested and then they didn't show up. Then last second home, only long enough for what he wanted Financial planning, stress of what money needs to go where, getting legal documents completed you know lots of stuff going on for parents of college kids that cannot do all of this stuff themselves. I also triggered on rushing because of very little time before he would be gone for yet another week.

Danny Smith: 6:27

Sure, I think you see that, even as you self-triggered on the rushing, on the frustration, rather you self-triggered on the rushing as well, to keep him from having to rush even more by saying hey, go start the laundry and then let's come back and talk. Right, that's great. What about the errors there?

Amy Hutchinson: 6:43

Well, my mind was not on task for my tone and elevated emotion of the conversation and then you know that directly put me into the line of fire for the potential damage to the relationship with my son. Yeah, luckily, you know. The escalating voices made me realize that this wasn't going anywhere good and I self-triggered to stop and try to start fresh. I was really thankful that he accepted my apology and that we could start the conversation over in a calm and respectful manner.

Danny Smith: 7:16

Yeah, I think it's really interesting that you point out that the relationship between you and your son was in the line of fire, and that's a different way to think about line of fire. Right, but human factors certainly can affect more than just safety, and I think that's kind of where you're going at with this story. I think that's great.

Amy Hutchinson: 7:32

Absolutely. You know we, as in the big, we at Safe Start, are known primarily for preventing injuries and that's certainly noble, but I tell my clients to look for bumps in productivity, quality and communication skills, just to name a few benefits to be on the lookout for. I have a desk job so I find the most benefit away from work, including interpersonal communication between my husband and kids.

Danny Smith: 7:57

Yeah, that's one thing that I've noticed that has helped. I think everyone who goes through SafeStart sees that it may not be an initial thing that they notice that it's helped. It's not all just about safety. We see all sorts of improvements. Certainly, communications between folks and improvement in relationships can be huge on and off the job as well. I've seen that from time to time.

Danny Smith: 8:22

No, no doubt has made me better as a husband and as a father, probably as a grandfather as well. Uh, we're sharing just before we got on the air here that, uh, we've got our six-year-old grandson over this week and, uh, I had to have a little rate your state conversation with him just a few moments ago with some rushing that he had. So, uh, yeah, it's. Uh, I think I did okay on tone on that one, but it's always one of those things you want to kind of check yourself and make sure you self-trigger on that. Amy, great to catch up with you today. Really, really great example of how these states can affect us in so, so many areas. So thanks for joining us and thanks for sharing this story.

Amy Hutchinson: 8:58

My pleasure. I hope others can learn from my story when I was not my best. But thanks for having me, Danny, I appreciate it.

Danny Smith: 9:08

So that's our time for today, for Amy and for myself and the entire Safe Talk team. Thank you for your time and if you would please share this episode, as well as all the other episodes as well, that you find helpful, until our paths cross again, I'm Danny Smith for Safe Talk with Safe Start, reminding us that Safe Start is really about much, much more than just preventing injuries. Have a great day.